Mothers and Daughters

Today, its Mother's Day. This is the second Mother's Day, since Mum died, and I'm still finding it tough, the gap where my Mum used to be is still very noticeable, and I miss her.
This week in my garden the camellia has come into flower.

It is beautiful, and very poignant that it should have flowered this week, as this was my Mum's camellia, that I'm now watching for her. But it also has a story that makes me smile. It lives in a very heavy, brown pot, and when Mum moved from Manchester to Reading I couldn't lift it. Mum said leave it- I was determined to bring it as I knew how much she loved it. In the end I dug it out of the pot, and drove it down from Manchester in a scruffy yellow bucket. while the removal men took the pot. It caused much argument and subsequent laughter, and now it sits in the lovely pot she chose.

This weekend Ellie and I have had one of those weekends- a mother and daughter weekend where we both manage to get under the other's skin. The argument is about a model that has to be built for a school project. Saturday morning there are tears, arguments, but above all the theme of the conversation is me telling Ellie her way won't work, and Ellie trying to prove it will. The more I say it won't the more Ellie tries to prove it will. And I see the pattern again...of independence...of trying to prove your Mum wrong, and that you can do it, except this time I'm the one saying it won't work.
See that's the thing with Mother's and Daughters, before you know it the cycle is repeating itself, and where once you were determined to do something you now see the independent streak passed down.By the end of the weekend we had achieved this:

And all is happy with the world. When I was growing up Mum and I were never that close as I was too busy making my stand, proving that I was right (or thought I was). Only after Dad died did our relationship deepen. On Mother's Day I can reflect, and say Mum, I now understand.

Jane

gloria

this is gloria. my youngest niece.

when i saw jane i also visited my brother and his family. i had one on one brother sister time and one on one niece time. gloria asked if she could take pictures with my camera. the strap was adjusted to fit her wrist. off she went around the house. these are some of the photos she took.

i love the perspective. low. looking up or looking down. not all are in focus but none have been cropped. i think she might have the eye. 

Emma

magical musical indulgence

last friday evening i was at home alone. last week was both hard and joyful. by friday the combination of the two had got me. i was glad of the peace and time to relax. there are different ways i relax. stealing an hour to read a magazine uninterrupted. listening to music, newly found or old favourites. going out with friends. watching a film. cooking dinner. last friday i switched on the tv hoping there would be something that would be "chewing gum for the eyes" (my version of easy listening). what i found was not chewing gum. what i found was touching, poignant and moving. what i found was still bill: the bill withers story. now i am a music fan. bill withers is a name i know. in honesty i know the hit records. i didn't know anything of the man. i didn't know he came late to music. i didn't know before he made music he made toilets for aircrafts. i didn't know he is now seventy. i didn't know he met his wife at a gil scot-heron gig and retired pretty much as he had a family as it was important to him to be around when they were growing up. nor did i know this man's perspective on life. he speaks about when you are not conditioned to be a certain way you can see life and have insight that conditioned people do not see; "if nobody throws their rules at you, you might have a chance to make a hit record". he speaks like a song-writer. i urge you to find a spare ninety minutes, click through the above link and treat yourself to a little magical musical indulgence. for those of you who only have two minutes; click on the video below and enjoy.

Emma

free friday

last week i travelled south. jane and i had a date. a date with a free day. no plans. no children. no husband. we couldn't remember the last time that happened. life happens. sometimes it is good to remember to slow down. spend time. relax. last friday we did just that.  we chose a location and went with the flow.

a spot of retail therapy.

a bite of lunch.

a walk by the river.

a stop on a bench. with an inscription that we loved.

a sugar hit.

a chance to take time.  "this is the me i never get time for" said jane.

home time. time to find places for new purchases.

the routine is back. dinner is made. sharing wine whilst doing so.

kids happy. friends round for tea. evening activities attended.

never would we be without these kids (my god kids). nor husband (my friend).  but. time and space away. only for a few hours. brings with it a thankfulness. thankfulness for what you have. what you share. what you give. and what comes back to you.

Emma

look whose walking...

Emma and Jane

Head Space

Today has been one of those stupid busy days. Meetings all day at work with the height of luxury being time for a cuppa soup at lunch, dashing giving lifts everywhere as part of the mum taxi service early evening, then a lovely friend round in the evening with a birthday cake made in between.
I'm lying in bed typing this, and every bone in my body aches with the tiredness of the day. In yet, today was a success. At work my head worked, I remained calm, and situations that could have worn me down didn't. We made a cake even though an extra emergency shopping trip was required for icing sugar. Homework on homophones (didn't even know what they where till this evening, I'll leave you to go google that one:))was completed without tears. Washing is folded, the kitchen tidy.
And I am reminded yet again that my ability to deal with a day and remain in one piece is not to do with how busy you fill it, but rather on your headspace, your inner you enabling you to walk tall. Today, was a good day.

Jane

today

i am writing this post whilst on my lunch hour. 
my last working lunch hour for two days. 

this lunch hour the sun is shining. 
this lunch hour the parking spot right by the shop door was free. 
this lunch hour i got the last falafel and houmous wrap on the shelf. 
this lunch hour i walked to the post box to post the letters.
without a coat.

tonight i will drive south.
tonight i will listen to music through headphones.
on shuffle.
and sing along.
loudly.

tonight i will arrive at my friends house.

we will embrace.
will will talk.
we will laugh.

tomorrow we get to be just us two.
hanging out.
for a whole day.

the joy of friendship.
understanding.
renewal.
short hand.

i am thankful. 

Emma