friendship at forty

last weekend i went home to the motherland.  i was born in edinburgh.  it's a long time since i've been to scotland.  i was surprised at how excited i was.  i went with nine other friends to celebrate our friend rachel's big birthday.  it was fab. lots of food, quite a bit of wine mixed with a dash of culture. with the help of all the girls i put together a photo book to show how we all knew her. she knew nothing about it. i was pleased with how it came out but i was even more pleased by how much she loved it. 

Emma

"one's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things"

this year i was certain i wanted change.  i have written about it here.  i have pondered it. it is easy to look at external circumstances and think; if only i had a better job, more money, a larger house, a better car everything would be fine.  yet if i had all those things; i would still be me, just with more stuff.  these past few weeks i have experienced circumstances that have challenged me like i have never been challenged before.  i have come to realise that the thing i need to change the most is me. at first it was the small things.  the taking for granted things.  the not noticing what is in front of you things.  the running away from things.  but gradually i realised that it was the larger things.  the attitudes.  the thought processes.  the held onto hurts. unintentionally i lost sight of myself.  last year i took part in a month long online flickr group for the website habit.  it is one of my favourite sites. it's a project for noticing everyday things.  the women who uploaded photographs were amazing and inspired me to look harder and take better pictures.  i was happy to upload alongside them. two days before the end of the month this picture of mine was selected and published on the website.  i was ecstatic.   

now the challenge to me is to notice myself.  to notice when i close down.  to notice when i am hard and harsh.  to notice when and where i need to take responsibility and when i need to lighten up. i need to notice that i try everyday. this photo was printed and framed and given to me by a man who was proud and knew what it meant to me to have had it published on-line.  it sits on a shelf in my lounge. a year ago i didn't realise what a grand gesture that was. 

Emma

away

i've been away.  not away, away.  but in my head away.  i'm still away.  i will be back.  soon, i'm sure.  last night i went outside just as the sun was setting, the sky was tinted pink.  it's the first time i have wanted to reach for my camera for weeks.

Emma

harvest

i had a great weekend at harvest at jimmy's.  tagging along with my brother and his family it was great to spend time, eat, drink and play together.  i got one on one niece action too.  it was fab.

Emma

the greatest thing you'll ever learn

today is a race against time.  or at least it feels like it.  too much work to fit into too little time.  in an effort to speed up my work rate I listened again to guy garvey on 6music.  he played this song.  i remember hearing this song in moulin rouge and feeling as if i knew it, in fact hummed along to it but couldn't place where i had heard it before.  i  think this may be the original.  please welcome, mr nat king cole.

 

Emma

last night

i went to a friends to pick up some camping gear.  i'm under canvas this weekend. at a food festival.  very exciting.  only i don't camp.  i don't have the gear.  luckily i have friends who do so i can borrow.  thanks to wendy i am all kitted out.  she also fed me.  very nice it was too.  whilst we were sat sharing a glass of wine the light changed.  i grabbed my camera this is what i saw

if you look very closely (you will need to click to see the big picture) you can see a second rainbow.

Emma

Silver or Gold?

Ok.... I know that it's what inside that counts... That appearances don't matter and I still look 35 (or at least in my head). However, got a huge event at work on Friday and need to look the part, and feel confident. So as every girl knows the answer is a new outfit, as nothing feels so good as putting on a brand new dress or skirt and feeling special.
So, equipped with credit card I go on my hunt for an outfit. I try on a red suit (thinking colour equals confidence) but according to my son look like a tomato. Head to safe old Next and find a dress and jacket I love, and standing outside the changing rooms admire myself in the mirror thinking this is it. At which point a lady standing in the changing room informs mean I need jewerelly, and it needs to be gold as you get to a certain age and silver apparently ages you, leaving you washed out. I am now two inches tall. I love silver, and hate gold (in my head gold is old fashined, not cool, and for old people). I love silver and all my jewerelly is silver. Then my head is reeling, as it also means to a stranger I look like someone who needs to be told how to dress to look younger, which means I definitely don't look 35, and am obvioulsy looking old! Even worse this is on a day when I'm not tired as just back from holiday!!!
So the question to muse yourself with today, is at what age do you need to pack away the silver and bring out the gold....-and what do I do on Friday?

Jane