open and shut case

do you ever have a time when you have something in the back of your mind, something you have been mulling over for a long time, something that every now and then comes to the forefront of your mind, you think about it again, think about how badly you are doing it and put it to the back of your mind again? no? just me then.

over the last year or so i have embraced change. mainly this change has to do with me finding myself again (i got lost on the path of life i thought i was meant to be living) but the thing that i realised i did do was close myself down. i said no to a lot of things i should have said yes to. as a result the thing that nags at the back of my mind every now and again is "have i shut myself down again?" i don't know about you but there are times i struggle with keeping myself open. and that's been the word that i have used - open. it's a simple image in my head - a shop sign open for business. i turned my sign to open and have long since given up trying to work out when exactly i put the closed sign up. just recently i have realised that when i am trying to be open but am worried that i am actually closed, well those times are the times when fear gets in the way. i am fearful about being open. fearful about what it will mean for me, how it might make me look or how i might be let down. 

sometimes when this happens i find i trip across things that make me see it differently. the first thing that made me think differently was this post emily wrote. her words stayed with me, specifically these:

"fear tells me to run away from connection. vulnerability dares me to run towards it."

i read and re-read her words and the more i thought about that, the more i realised how true that was for me. that really my word was open but what i was trying to be was vulnerable. vulnerable to life. 

emily made reference in her post to brene brown and i realised brene's name was one i jotted down to look up later and had never got round to it, i had heard about brene's ted talks so that is where i started. these talks were the second thing that made me think differently. so if you have time put the kettle on, make a cup of your favourite tea and sit back and watch a very entertaining brene brown tell you about vulnerability and how powerful it is and then watch her share what happened next after her first ted talk went viral.

more than making me think differently brene made me realise that being open or vulnerable is nothing to be afraid of, that actually being vulnerable is one of the most powerful things you can do in your life. 

now i'm not telling you that i don't still question myself nor am i telling you that i am no longer fearful but i do realise that the majority of the time i am living my life wholeheartedly vulnerable. it is a change that i have embraced. i can determine what i am happy to say no to and what i emphatically want to say yes to. and the amazing part about this living wholeheartedly is when you get the privilege to read about another persons point of view and find not just their vulnerability but yours is the key to it all. shelly wrote about our meeting beautifully. 

so let me encourage you to be vulnerable in your life, sure fear gets in the way but i will guarantee saying yes will reap rewards you never thought possible. 

Emma