new year meanderings

today i found myself back at work after two and a half weeks off wondering where on earth did the time go? having only arrived home yesterday getting up for work today was a shock to the system - understatement of the year so far. decorations are still up, presents have yet to find homes, washing is needing to be done and the fridge is devoid of food but still work needed to be got to. 

a couple of months ago my diary got busy very quickly. before i knew it i had something booked in every week for almost two months and that was just the beginning. the nearer i got to christmas the more dates got booked up and i am speaking as someone who still has christmas celebrations to look forward to. the constant motion has given me very little time to think about the year past or the new one upon us. i know i am not alone in this; jane exclaimed the exact same notion once we hit new years day.

i realised while talking with jane that i haven't given new year resolutions one thought, not one and that thought has nagged at me. is that a good thing or a bad thing? how do i feel about resolutions anyway? way too much potential to fall at the first hurdle or are setting goals for the year to come a good thing? needless to say - time - lack of - no thought.

until today - fleetingly.

still sat in my coat in an office that had been devoid of heating for two weeks, nursing the constant sneezing of a threatening cold, cupping a mug of hot tea while eating my sandwich at lunchtime i typed these four things:

trust

happiness

gratitude

each day is a gift

no thought was put into these. in fact after i typed them i closed down my post and flicked up facebook. around five minutes later i typed these:

focus 

love not fear

while i was talking with jane i told her i hadn't thought about new years resolutions because in the summer i had thought stuff through and changed a few things up. i resolved to trust that god had a bigger plan for me than i could imagine, that my dreams were ones that i was willing to be open handed with, that choosing to be happy involves letting go of anger, hurt, heartache and uncertainty and when you do that you realise that thankfulness flows easily and that each day is a gift regardless of if it looks how you imagined it would or not. i'm nowhere near where i thought i would be, my dream is a long way off and perhaps that thought was what prompted me to go back and type the next two things - perhaps those are my new years resolutions - reminding myself again to keep on going and always choose love over fear. i've lived with fear for too long - if you want to shake it off you need to be intentional about it.

so perhaps new year is a good time to make resolutions or perhaps new year is a good time to remind yourself how far you have come and to keep going. whichever you choose i wish you a happy, loving and fulfilling 2014.

Emma