The crisp, perfect uniform was taken out of the wardrobe, hair neatly tied back, and unscuffed new shoes put on. My stomach churned. I can still remember my first day of secondary school, the feel of the new blazer feeling heavy and awkward, the uncomfortableness of not knowing your way round, the strange new faces in the classroom. The questions of will I fit in? Will I make new friends? What will happen at lunch time? And worst of all that first walk into school, a knowing you have to go, but everything within you wanting to run the other way.
This morning I could see those same thoughts racing through Ellie's head, as she tried to eat her breakfast. As I watched her leave the house coming the other way down the road were children going to primary school. You could not help notice the poignancy of the walking in the other direction.
And now at the end of the day? Excitement, relief and so much to talk about. Possible new friendships, of getting slightly lost once, and working out from the map what rooms to go to tomorrow. (Plus getting to buy a salad and pasta at lunch:))
And I'm reminded, that's the thing about change. The bit before the change actually happens is often the worst part. My mind goes into overdrive of unknowns, of trying to imagine, and not in a good way. Yet once you are living the change it's so much better. Not necessarily easy, but at least you can get your head round what it is.
I'm feeling on the edge of change with a few things at the moment, and it's not comfortable. To-day I was reminded that the edge of change is the worst, then it's ok. I guess that's part of learning not to hold on to things so tight.
And did I mention within all of that the best bit of my day was a tin that arrived in the post? The plaque tells me its 135 of 1500 made to celebrate the birth of a new Prince, now thats exciting.
Thanks Em.
Jane
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