friendship at forty

last weekend i went home to the motherland.  i was born in edinburgh.  it's a long time since i've been to scotland.  i was surprised at how excited i was.  i went with nine other friends to celebrate our friend rachel's big birthday.  it was fab. lots of food, quite a bit of wine mixed with a dash of culture. with the help of all the girls i put together a photo book to show how we all knew her. she knew nothing about it. i was pleased with how it came out but i was even more pleased by how much she loved it. 

Emma

"one's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things"

this year i was certain i wanted change.  i have written about it here.  i have pondered it. it is easy to look at external circumstances and think; if only i had a better job, more money, a larger house, a better car everything would be fine.  yet if i had all those things; i would still be me, just with more stuff.  these past few weeks i have experienced circumstances that have challenged me like i have never been challenged before.  i have come to realise that the thing i need to change the most is me. at first it was the small things.  the taking for granted things.  the not noticing what is in front of you things.  the running away from things.  but gradually i realised that it was the larger things.  the attitudes.  the thought processes.  the held onto hurts. unintentionally i lost sight of myself.  last year i took part in a month long online flickr group for the website habit.  it is one of my favourite sites. it's a project for noticing everyday things.  the women who uploaded photographs were amazing and inspired me to look harder and take better pictures.  i was happy to upload alongside them. two days before the end of the month this picture of mine was selected and published on the website.  i was ecstatic.   

now the challenge to me is to notice myself.  to notice when i close down.  to notice when i am hard and harsh.  to notice when and where i need to take responsibility and when i need to lighten up. i need to notice that i try everyday. this photo was printed and framed and given to me by a man who was proud and knew what it meant to me to have had it published on-line.  it sits on a shelf in my lounge. a year ago i didn't realise what a grand gesture that was. 

Emma