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Wednesday, 17 August 2011

pause for thought

these last few weeks have been ones that i have been trying to make changes in. change is something i usually run from.  i'm not one of these people who embrace it.  it scares me. not in a horror movie kind of a way but in an unknown and i don't like it kind of a way. whilst making these changes an unexpected uncertainly has washed over me.  i had spent so much time wanting to embrace the change that i had spent no time looking at why i wanted to change it. i have been at times emotional, at times angry but most of the time downright confused about what i was feeling and indeed what i was meant to be feeling. where is the blue print that i am so certain i fall short of?  the revelation i have stumbled across is i am saying that i want to embrace change but really i am running away. again.  it has taken me having to stay put to realise that i run.  both physically and emotionally.  i have done this all my life. so now that i know, what to do?  slowly i am going to try and raise my head and speak.  slowly i will ask questions and listen to the answers. slowly i will make the change; find out why my feet are made of lead but take flight.  slowly i will embrace the life i want, blueprint or not.


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