Fresh start

So the Christmas tree decorations are down, packed away until next year. I love Christmas decorations, but it is strangely satisfying to take everything down, and see the clear open spaces again, removed from the clutter of cards, nativity scenes and candles.

One of the advantages of clearing up is it has left space to put the beautiful presents I have been given over Christmas.

So, New Year is a time for resolution and fresh starts. Someone said to me this week that the new year was like a fresh field of snow that had still to be walked on, giving us all a fresh opportunity in how we will make our mark. It's stuck with me all week, as I've thought about a large expanse of white fields, ready for me to go across. Ellie told me last night that I was a 'splatch- winkle' . I had no idea what she was talking about. For those of you who don't know it's taken from the BFG, where Roald Dahl defines a 'splatch winkling' as rushing around in a hurry. As you will know from the blog, lack of time and rushing is something I often talk about, as I find it hard to balance everything.
So, my fresh start for the new year is going to do less splatch- winkling, and making more time to clear those spaces from clutter and rushing, so I can enjoy the beauty it creates.

As we start the first full week of work, school and activities it is going to be a challenge, but I'm ready to give it a go.




Jane

my view tonight

today i have taken down my tree, lights, cards and decorations. i have cleaned, hoovered, washed windows and recycled. i have listened to birds sing and been thankful for a dry, crisp and clear day. i have wrapped presents both christmas and birthday in readiness for a get together tonight and a birthday tomorrow. i have realised quite how quick this christmas and new year break has gone. i am no where near ready for the working routine to recommence next week. but still there are celebrations to be had, people to catch up with and connections to be made. it might be cold this january evening but there is beauty in the waning darkness, joy in shared connection and excitement for what is to come.

Emma 

Welcome to 2013

So, 2012 closes and we welcome in 2013. Last night we shared the evening with our closest friends, danced, drank fizz, played cards, but most of all just laughed and enjoyed the bond of being able to be easy with people you share history with over many years.
As I reflect back on 2012 it had it's share of historic moments, standing on a bridge getting very wet to wait for the Queen, the excitement of the Olympics, as well as our own family history of a wedding.

To-day the sun aptly shone, it's the first time it's been sunny in about two weeks. We grabbed our coats and went for a walk, the countryside was draped in an extra layer of water.

As I reflect on 2012, past the 'big' moments what amazes me are the list of things that if you had told me at the start of 2012 that they would have happened I would not have believed you.

These are things that have shaped the year, challenged me in different ways, but within this I have seen answers to prayer, and for that I am thankful. Thinking back over the last few years, it's been the same each year, and it amazes me again that things occur that you just can't see or expect.
As we start another year there is nothing on the horizon that I can see that looks like it will surprise me- and I guess that's good, as if I knew all the time what was coming I'd work it into another to-do list.
Instead going into the year I want to learn to be more dependent on God, to say I don't know what you have planned for this year, but I am going to trust in your plans and try not to live in my own independence and never ending schedules.
To-day our path ahead was stopped by the water, we turned and went a different way, I am nervous, excited, and open to what the future holds in 2013, knowing that there will be moments when I will need to turn a different way, but knowing that God has it in hand and grateful for family and friends as we share more of our lives together.





Jane

epilogue 2012

as the end of the year approaches there is a tendency to look back over all that has happened in the preceeding 12 months. in honesty, most years i do this but my memory is bad and beyond others great life events i have very rarely felt i have enough of my own life events to have much to think on. 

this year is different. 

on new years day i narrowly avoided a car crashing into me whilst traveling to visit a friend. that experience shook me. not because i could have easily been hit and suffered severe injury or died but because i wasn't. i was spared. i was a matter of centimeters away from what could have been horrific but i watched in slow motion as the action played out and avoided me, avoided everyone.

from that day i knew this year would be big for me. i haven't changed jobs, i haven't got married or had a baby, i haven't moved house or city. i haven't done any of the things that are considered momentous life events. what i have changed is myself.

if you had spoken to me last year i would have told you i was a happy and content, confident and rounded person. i was able to cope with whatever life threw at me and could come out the other side smiling, i had inner strength. what i didn't realise was all of that was underpinned by fear. fear of admitting to myself i was unhappy. i liked my own company but didn't know who i was, i was a shy person who acted akwardly around others, this sometimes came off as arrogance but mainly it was lack of self confidence and i had no idea how to conquer that. 

i am a woman who has a faith. a faith in a god who is bigger than me. i believe that everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance and god uses all circumstances. i knew he had protected me on new years day. i knew there had to be a reason for it. from that day i have been on a journey. a journey to find what god wants of this life of mine he spared. 

slowly i was shown how wrong i had got my life. assumptions i had made about myself and others that were wrong ones. i had to relearn a lot of my behaviour. i had to apologise to people for my actions, actions that at the time seemed perfectly fine and reasonable to me but i was shown were actions of someone who was lost, alone and afraid. i was shown i was loved and valued and that enabled me to stand up for myself and speak up when i felt others were disrespecting me, something i have struggled to do on my own behalf all my life. my attitudes have changed. i now no longer expect the worst outcome, nor do i expect the fairytail either, i have learnt how to live in the middle; i have learnt balance. i have learnt the value of patience, hope and love and am not afraid to express them. i am no longer fearful. i am hopeful, optimistic, excited and happy. happier than i have ever been. i am open to life. i have let go of the old fearful self and have embraced self assurance, an assurance that has eluded me all my life. i have not been alone on this journey and i am grateful to those few who have travelled with me, supporting me as i have negotiated my way along the overgrown path of my life. i value each of them. i am thankful that i have not only learnt how to express myself but am no longer afraid to express to them, at any time, the difference they make to my life.

the quote i am reminded of is this: "life is a journey, not a destination." previously i would have thought nothing of this, would have dismissed it even. not now. this year i have started my journey. fully. for the first time. i know where i would like the destination to be but i now know that the journey is the most important part, the hardest part maybe but i imagine the most rewarding. without the hardships of life, without the hard life lessons how would we know how to live in happiness at our perceived destination? i am also learning that the journey moulds us, prepares us for where we want to be. what we hope for as our destination, i am learning, can sometimes be just the tip of the iceberg. 

this year i have found myself on the receiving end of many compliments. they range from  the regular "you look well" to "there is something different about you but i can't put my finger on it" to just this past week an old friend opened her front door and exclaimed "you look superb." how we laughed that she told me that before she had even said hello. i have got better at receiving them. that in itself is a huge step. most people, although not all, exclaim "it must be the hair" in an attempt to explain what is different. but i know what they see. they see an inner beauty. a peaceful, joyous soul who has finally learnt enough tools to equip her to start her on her life journey. 

i think 2013 is going to be fantastic. i have my hands off and my heart open and can't wait for what the next year brings. 

as we set about celebrating the end of one year and the dawn of the next i wish you all a very happy new years eve and all the best for 2013. what journey will this year take you on?

Emma

Christmas lights

We've been away for a few days, but Christmas lights have shown us the way.....

Jane

walking

today i accompanied my lovely friend di as she did some research. we arrived in castleton early this morning. along with the rain. the forecast stated the rain was due to recede around mid-day. it did not. in fact when we were walking into the wind the rain was actually sore on our faces. it did not dampen our spirits. we had a great time. i was soaked to the skin when we had finished, we definitely deserved the mulled wine and "dirty burger" we treated ourselves to. well, when you have walked five and a half miles in the pouring rain incorporating treak cliff cavern, speedwell cavern and the blue john mine, climbed 233 steps up to mam tor which is 1695 feet high, walked down the other side in more than your fair share of mud and water, i'm sure you would agree we did too.

Emma 

christmas day

christmas eve dinner / christmas day lunch.

"farmer kissmass" (as my eldest nephew calls him). church. champagne. food. games. laughter. fun. together. raising a glass to those you miss. memories. love. 

wishing you and yours much love, joy and peace this christmas season.

Emma